Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Coventry City Football Club - Stadium move confirmed

Asteroid A2/11zf. Yesterday.
The trouble stricken League One Club are preparing to kick off their new campaign against Bristol City more than 4,211 miles from the city after failed negotiations with Arena Coventry Limited (ACL), the owners of the Ricoh Arena.

Coventry have reluctantly agreed a deal with the Football League to play on the barren oxygen starved wastes of Asteroid A2/11zf for the next three years, with Chief Executive Tim Fisher insisting they plan to be playing back on Earth, if not in the city, within that time frame and in a new stadium.

Both a successful real world and online campaign have seen Coventry supporters planning to boycott games held on the freezing cold rocky asteroids surface and their plight has earned the sympathy of other club up and down the country, but Fisher insists that there was no alternative but to move out of the confines of Earths atmosphere.

"The move is regrettable, it's painful", Tim Fisher says. "The fans are right not to be delirious about playing on a grey and barren shattered planetesimal remnant just a short distance away from Mars - and we don't want to do that either. However, that is the only option we've got and it's with a heavy heart that we've had to move"

"It's an absolute joke is what is is," said long time City Supporter Gary Mabuttsnee, "I've been a Sky Blues supporter for all my life but I'm not willing to sacrifice 300 days on a round trip to travel more than 4000 miles under current space technology limitations. Added to the fact that to plan such a journey would set me back approximately 4 billion pounds, and I can't justify that kind of money - especially as I've just bought the new kit for my son."

Coventry remain in administration and were deducted ten points in March to effectively end their slim hopes of making last season's play-offs.

"We must stress that this will not be a permanent move", continued Fisher, "but this has worked for other teams in the past - I'm of course referring to Wimbledons move to the magical realms of Eternia back in 1991 - and we can confirm that we're currently in discussions to build a new stadium in Coventry. And we intend for it to be made of solid gold. Solid fucking gold, you hear that, ACL? DID YOU HEAR THAT?"

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